8/365


*Google images*

Something our family really struggles with, is getting together and eating dinner together at the same time. There always seems to be a baseball practice, pt appointment,tae kwon do,kidstuf practice,small group etc….you get the point.
I have often found myself daydreaming and wanting the whole ‘June Cleaver’ life. Even down to the apron. *keep your chuckles to yourself*

At this time I have to work full time and that is just the way it is. Very often, things such as big elaborate meals, turn into quick fast recipes that I can make in a half hour and dish out at different time slots.

I realize the grass is always greener on the other side, and the ‘June Cleaver’ life would probably get old and cumbersome in its own way over time. That is why I have searched my mind for ideas on how to come to a middle ground to make this fantasy (because that is what it is to me at the moment) of mine a little bit of a reality in our lives.

I received an email from my employer last night asking me how I felt
about a later start (7:45 a.m.) in the morning but also a later end (5:45 p.m.) of the day. At first glance I was opposed to it. It would push dinner time back and it would mean less time with the kids in the evening.

I took some time to think and pray (yes, I pray about everything) about it. Then I started thinking about our crazy evenings and how much time we actually spend together.

Not much.

Like I mentioned before there is running around, homework etc. Plus, everyone likes to have a little alone time to unwind from the day. So..what was my conclusion?

Why not take family time, and gear it around the morning meal? Make the family sit down meal in the morning. It does not have to fancy breakfast every morning, but it will be a time to come together every single day and pray together as a family for our day.

Now, I realize this all sounds nice and sweet on paper (computer screen). I know this is not going to be easy at first. Myself,autumn and Joe are not morning people and tend to be a bit *cough* grumbly in the mornings. I ask for your prayers that this will be a time of bonding for my family.
We may not be the typical traditional 1950’s Cleaver family but maybe for one meal we can make it work? I would love for us to also eventually eat more dinners together as well. One step at a time.

As long as we don’t turn into the Simpsons! ;)


*Google images*

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Sorry- I stepped away from blogging for the past week. Autumn asked me to spend some time with her this week instead of being on the computer. Of course, I jumped at the chance to just hang out with my daughter. We also took Jt and Autumn to a concert on Thurseday night. The late night kicked my butt in a major way. I have been dragging the last two days.

I will be back this week though. I plan to set aside a little *me*(blog) time for myself AFTER the kids go to bed.
I have a lot to talk about. I am sure you are all just THRILLED about that. hee hee.

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What have the Baksha’s been up to the past week?
Running around. Back and forth . Back and forth. Baseball, basketball, tae kwon do, small group, book club, band concerts, birthday dinners, tae kwon do testing.

Everyone has managed to stay healthy this week. Praise! We have been busy, but manage to keep laughing and keep loving.

I am so happy.

I will post more details about tae kwon testing and band concerts eventually, right now I am going to go listen to funny ring tones with my family and laugh some more (Inside joke).

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Flashback Friday

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Day 7/365



* picture taken from google pictures. Not my picture*

Reading is one of my favorite things to do to help me relax. It is my escape. It is my stress release. I am not picky about what I read. I try not to limit myself to one specific author or subject. I do however; usually avoid the romance novels with the cheesy covers and any book about mathematics (another post for another day). *wink*

There are several authors that I do like and will read all their books. Often times I find a couple authors that I like and flip flop their books. Currently, I am on a Diane Chamberlain / Tracey Bateman rotation. Averaging about a book a week. Diane Chamberlains books are easy reads with a little mystery to them. She keeps you guessing and does a great job with character development. Her plots are nothing over the top. They are enjoyable. Tracey Bateman is a Christian author. Her books are also easy fun reads. I just finished her Claire knows best series.

I am the person you go to the movies with and after the movie is over says 99% of the time”I like the book better.”. There have been a couple books that have been made into movies that did a good job. Of course, they never capture the full experience you can get from reading the actual book.
“Time Travelers Wife”, ‘Memories of a Geisha’ and ‘The Notebook’ are three movies I have enjoyed. However, the books are better.

I have mixed feelings about the ‘Twilight’ movies. I loved the book and enjoyed the movies but I think there is no way you can know the characters unless you have read the books. Talking to someone about ‘Twilight’, I can tell if they just watched the movies. *wink*

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a complete stick in the mud. I do enjoy going to the movies. I actually think reading the book and going to the movie can be enjoyable. Reading the book first can enhance the experience of the movie as you have a greater understanding the characters. It takes a creative film director to make it work and when it does, that is a great experience.

Joe is trying to get me to go see ‘Shutter Island’ but I don’t want to see it until I have read the book. I have a hold on the next copy that comes back to the library but we are quickly running out of time to see it at the theater. I may just have to suck it up and wait to read the book afterwards. Although, I generally don’t read a book after seeing the movie.

I am often asked what my favorite books are and I can never answer that question. There are just so many books to pick from. I can’t pick a favorite author either. I suppose my answer would be determined by what kind of mood I am in or what I am doing when I am reading a specific book. On vacation I would gravitate to a different author and type of book then I would on a cold blustery grey winter afternoon. It just depends. I am always reading and always finding new ‘favorites’.

Being a big reader can turn into an expensive little hobby. Making use of the local library is a great way to save money however, when books are your crack (lol) you can’t walk past a book section at the store and not be tempted to pick up a book and buy it. Give me money to spend at a shoe store and I would be lost, give me money to spend at a book store and oh my goodness – happiness.

This weekend I am reading “Thirsty” by, Tracey Bateman.

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Day 6/365

We all can remember several friendships from our past. I can remember friendships from grammar school that quietly dissolved over time as we got older. There was never a big fight or event leading up to the friendship coming to a silent end. It just happened. That is life. People move on and go to a different chapter of their lives. That happens all the time during childhood. I have watched it in my own childrens lives.

For some reason in adulthood we tend to feel the need (not sure that is the right word) to hold on to a friendship longer (aka forever-BFF) . Why is that? As a child/teen it seems to be easier to walk away from a friendship/relationship that just doesn’t work or has fizzled out. If you don’t feel that same connection with Susie you just say “Okay, Susie and I don’t click anymore. “. I have noticed that in adulthood it is usually not that easy. There usually ends up being some explosion or issue that leads to a relationship ending. Very rarely do two people just walk away. Taking away the wonderful memories the friendship brought in the past. Accepting the reality that the bond has played its part. The season of the friendship has come and gone and that is okay.

I have prayed and prayed about *friendship* for years now. I am not quite sure I understand my purpose in a friendship. Confusing? Yes, it is to me as well.

Maybe it is because I have never had that “sister”-best friend feeling with anyone. I had my BFF in high-school. We still talk but, I think we did realize years ago our lives are just different and the *bond* was just not there anymore. We talk about once a year now and it is always nice to catch up. We usually play a catch up on our lives and what our kids are doing. We talk about the past. Giggle over some of the memories and then say goodbye. I never get sad about where our friendship is now. Again, it goes back to that whole season of life theory. We had each other at that time of our lives for a reason.

Can you have a deep close friendship without talking every day and constantly divulging deep thoughts with one another? Can you have a deep friendship when Friend A feels as though Friend B keeps hurting them and Friend B feels as though nothing they ever do is enough? When do you just say BFF really did not mean forever?

Is it okay to walk away from what was once a deep level friendship. Is that okay with God? Can you take a deep level friendship and make it more of an occasional catch-up how are you guys doing friendship?

Do I desire a deep level friendship? That is the million dollar question that I know some people in my life often wonder about me. As I read more and more of Gods word my desire to form deeper relationship has been heightened. However, I often struggle with how much I need to give into a friendship. Managing my time with my husband and family as well as developing friendships is not easy for me. I am working on it. I am happily welcoming friendships into my heart and being honest with expectations from the relationships. I am also recognizing that some older friendships are definitely treasures in my heart and although they are not as they used to be, they are still a part of me.
I may sound like a confusing mess to anyone reading all this. Earlier this week I wrote about my strong desire to not have anyone dislike me and now I am writing about how I sometime hold back from deep-friendships. I am just being real. God made me the way I am for a reason and I am not going to question him on this one. Lol. I am who I am. God loves me. Joe loves me. My kids love me and the list goes on. I continue to grow. I continue to love. Over the last couple months I love more deeply.
I am a work in progress. There is a reason I am here. There is a reason I have been created. I work everyday at being who God wants me to be.

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Day 5/365

*Photo found on web. Not my picture*

My sister posted on her facebook wall that their school district is thinking about cutting P.E. from the schools. Our school district is cutting 80-90 jobs this year.
Can you see my face turning red? Can you see my heart racing and my mind spinning?
My brain is running on overdrive right now and it hurts.

Illinois is in BAD shape. I have not checked out my facts but have been told (all heresay) that we are now the #1 state with economical hardships. How are they (THEY) dealing with it? Sacrificing our children, of course! Our future. “They” are punishing them. My face is now changing to a deep shade of PURPLE! I am absolutely floored by the decisions that are being made. I do not blame the school district adminostration for the current state we are in. This is all about education funding from the state. After reading more into it, I believe a lot of hands are tied and this is all comes back to the way this state has been run. Into the GROUND.

I am not going to point a finger and bad mouth one particular person because I feel this DISASTER ( Yes, I believe this is a disaster) has happened because of a LOT of bad decisions made by a LOT of different people. Plus, it will do me abolutley no good to cast blame.

Anyway, let’s start with the idea of cutting P.E. That’s just bad. No good will come out of cutting it. You are going to see a huge increase in behavior problems, stressed out teachers, grades dropping and obesity. Common sense will show you that. So how do we stop this from happening? I wish I knew. All I can say is pray, but I don’t even know what to pray for? The people running the state of Illinois maybe? The school district administrators. Ugh, this weighs so heavy on my heart right now.

The job cuts in our school district worry me a great deal. On top of the 5.5 million dollar cut that has already been identified they have just announced another 11 (ELEVEN) million dollars needs to be cut out of the budget.

We currently have one child in private school and two children in public school. A lot of you know the story behind all of this so I will not bore you with the details. I do love the elementary school Alec goes to. He has an amazing teacher. My fear about all these job cuts is that the classroom sizes are going to get bigger and in turn the teachers are going to be stretched. The cuts mean teachers aide jobs will be cut, which will in turn affect how much the children learn each day. It’s taking away learning time. These cuts will have a lasting effect on the future.

Feeling helpless and like your hands are tied about your childs education really stinks. I may be seriously looking into home schooling in the future. That is another post for another day though.

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4/365

When I was young my family did a lot of camping. We went to a lot of local campsite for short weekend trips. I can remember a number of occasions when my mom and dad would pick my sister and I up from school on a Friday with the red station (Good ol’ Betsy) all loaded up with camping gear. We would go to some random small camp ground and set up. We had a big green tent that lasted years. For all I know, my parents probably still have that tent. There were a couple patches on the tent because what kid can resist the temptation of touching a tent when it was raining. Other then those few patches, the tent was perfect. My dad was pretty serious about caring for that tent.

Not only did we go on a lot of local camping trips but we camped in Disney World! Now that I am older I know my parents can be legally called CRAZY for doing that. No, just kidding. Looking at it through adult eyes I know that my parents did it to save money. When I was a kid, I thought it was a great adventure. Camping AND Disney!

Thinking of all those past camping trips has provoked a couple questions.
Were the camping trips any less fun then the more extravagant (cruises) we took?

The answer is a firm NO. Not at all. As a kid I never thought about how fancy the trip was. It was never about the actual trip we were taking. It was always about the time.

That has not changed for me

Sitting under the stars talking about life with my kids is something I would gladly take over a fancy-busy vacation. Yes, a cruise would be nice, but at this point in our lives I want to make lasting memories with each other. Not rushing around from place to place. I find myself more drawn to long talks with my family then being talked at on tours.

Does that make sense?

Getting back to camping. When Joe and I were dating, we loved to go camping. After we started having children camping started to lose its appeal.
Let’s face it-camping with a baby/toddler is NOT fun. The mess,worrying about all the safety hazards, rain, animals…Aaaaaah. No thank you.

I started to get a little *Sssssshhhhh* spoiled. I think my breaking point was a camping trip at Jellystone when Alec was still a toddler. It involved rain- a LOT of rain, a raccoon trying to get into our tent (we thought it was a person) in the middle of the night and me pleading with Joe to take me to a hotel (He didn’t).
After that trip we (I) decided that camping wasn’t really our (my) thing anymore.

Then Alec decided he wanted to go camping for his 8th birthday. Who was I to deny those blue eyes and pouty lips a birthday wish?
We planned the trip and I *cough* had some number of local hotels. JUST IN CASE! *wink*. We did not have any rain or raccoons but we did have a child throw up hotdogs all over his little brother and tent. Then when we went to throw away all the blankets (I was not going to have a bunch of soiled blankets sitting in my hot van for a day and then drive home with them. Ummmm NO.) my children were greeted by Bambi lying in the dumpster. Yes, someone hit a baby deer and decided to throw it away. Alec still talks about that, two years later. Despite being traumatized by throw up and dead baby deer we did have a good time.


I would like to do several ‘weekend –camping trips this summer. The kids are older now and I think it would be pretty easy to do. We will have to work around a crazy travel baseball schedule but I think we can work it out. It actually may be fun to find local campgrounds in the towns we have tournaments in. Less back and forth travel. We will save money on gas AND have fun.

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3/365

Adventures in babysitting.

As long as I can remember I have always enjoyed caring for children. When we would go to Birthday parties or over to my parents’ friend houses I would always be the one to take care of the little ones. Carrying them around, making them smile etc. Some of my moms friends would joke that at just 10 years old I had the mom hip and sway. Of course, I had no idea what they were talking about at the time.
There was a period of time that my sister and I were sent to a daycare facility. The teachers would pull me out of my room so that I could sit and play with the babies and sometimes calm upset babies down.

When I was 10 or 11 a neighbor friends and I set up our own little “Babysitters club” ( Yes, I am from that era.lol). We made up cute little flyers, rode our bikes around the neighborhood and put them in mailboxes. We were so excited to have a summer business. We received our first call from a woman who had four children. I do not remember their ages, I want to say they were probably about 8 and under. The women wanted us to work a couple days a week. Full days. She was going to pay us BIG bucks (Probably like 4 bucks an hour for both of us-lol) ! My friend and I danced around and planned what we were going to do with the kids all summer long.

The day came. We rode our bikes over to the house and the women introduced us to her children. She told us about their dog that was currently locked up in his cage because he could be a bit hyper . At the time, I don’t think my friend and I paid much attention to her instructions about the dog because we were worried about caring for her four children. We took the kids outside to play, fed them a snack-blah blah-blah. When we came inside one of the older children told us their dog had gotten out of the cage. No big deal right? It’s a DOG. We could handle that. Ha. My memory is a bit blurry but I recall that the children, my friend and I ended up locking ourselves in a room in the basement because the dog was phsyco. This was in the day of no cell phones (gasp!) of course so we were stuck. We stayed there for a very long time until the mom got home.
We never returned to that babysitting job.

Over the years I babysat a LOT. Every weekend I would ride my bike to a babysitting job. During the week, I would always have one or two after school jobs. I loved it. I think my favorite babysitting job was for a family with triplets. I started watching them before they could walk. I loved spending time over there. Alexis, Marissa and Marko. They are the children that started the nickname T-T or T for me. They would see me walk in the door and start chanting T-Teeeeeeee , T-Teeeeeeeee. They had a baby sister born several years later, Theodora. I watched them for years. Sometimes, I would baby-sit for a week at a time when their mom and dad went on vacation. Marko was the ring bearer at my wedding. After JT was born I would go over and watch them occasionally. The triplets are in college now! Yikes.

I had some pretty interesting baby-sitting jobs that resulted in never returning. There were some children that I grew much attached to and often think about. Just for the fun of it I am going to list all the children I have watched over the years.

Crazy Dog children. ( I do not recall all their names I do know one was Jeremiah.)
Michael and Nicholas. Nicholas passed away from cancer several years ago. He was such a sweet little boy. He was a baby/Toddler when I watched him. He was the first baby to pee on me when changing a diaper.
Marko, Marissa, Alexis and Theodora. I will never forget when I showed up for a babysitting job and their mother was cleaning up a mess they had made with pancake syrup. They decided to dump it all over the kitchen floor and go skating. Keep in mind their house was always spotless. White kitchen tile floors, white beige carpet!
Weird old man and very young wifes children. Two boys. I don’t remember their names. I was not allowed to go back and watch them because I found some inappropriate stuff hanging around the house.
Lisa- I loved watching this little girl but their house was filthy. Beyond anything you can imagine. It was really bad but the little girl and her parents were very sweet.

Anton and Vicka- I was their nanny for a year. They were adopted from Russia. I remember how quickly they caught on to English and I enjoyed spending time with them. Sweet children.

Kaitlyn, Michael and Brendan- Kaitlyn was my first in-home daycare baby and was (is) such a beautiful girl. I have a special connection with Kaitlyn and her brothers. Kaitlyn and Autumn were born weeks apart and grew up together. When the girls were about 3 years old they moved. A couple years later we moved to the town they were living in and I began watching Kaitlyn and her brother Michael and then Brendan when he was born.

Cassie- I watched Cassie the same time I watched Kaitlyn. Autumn and Cassie shared the same birthday. It was like having triplets with all three babies at once. Cassie was a cuddler and loved to be held. Unfortunately, we have lost contact and do not talk since I stopped watching Cassie after Alec was born. I often think of her though and wonder how she is doing.

Tiffany- I also watched Tiffany when Autumn was a baby. She is the same age. She was so cute. Pudgy, blonde and smiley. I did not watch her for a long period of time but she was a joy as a baby.

Dustin- He was a sweetheart and JT was SO happy to have another boy his age in the house. He was surrounded by infant girls and he needed boy time.

Zachary- After a year off (after having Alec and trying to work out of the house at a daycare facility) I decided to go back to In home daycare. Zachary was my first daycare child. He was great and I loved watching him. He played well with all of my children and fit in perfectly. His family recently moved to our town and in our neighborhood so he occasionally comes over to play.
Jake-I met Jakes mother at the daycare facility I worked at and we became friends. Jake was Alecs age and the two of them played together so nicely. They shared a love for the gameboy. Lol They were also both Mama’s boys. So very sweet.

Amanda, CJ and Jacob- I also met their mother at the daycare facility I worked at. Tina and I hit it off right away and I watched her children part-time. All three of her children had blonde hair and great big blue eyes. We got together often as our kids were close in age.

Michael and Nicholas- Twins that I fell in LOVE with and developed a great friendship with their mom, Andrea. My mom worked with someone who had a friend who needed a sitter. The rest is history. I watched them up until we moved to our new home. It was sad to stop watching them, but we were just to far away to make it work for babysitting. The boys are 7 years old already. I can’t believe it.

Garrett and Colin- When we moved out here, Kaitlyns parents were friends with Garrett and Colins mom. We were introduced to each other when Laura was pregnant with Garrett. When Garrett was 3 months old Laura came over and we hit it off immediately. I started watching Garrett the following week. It was fun to watch a newborn baby again. I had been watching toddlers and preschoolers for a while. During the summer I watched Colin, his older brother who is the same age as Autumn.

Jessica and Eddie- Jessica and Eddie live behind us and I watched them during the summer. Jessica was a bit older and helped me out a lot with Garrett ,Michael and Alec. Eddie is the same age as Autumn but he played well with everyone.

Hayden and Dylan. Their mom is friends with Jessica and Eddies mom and needed a sitter. Christine and I became fast friends and share the same addiction-passion- whatever you want to call it for coffee and watching our boys play baseball. Hayden and Dylan are the sweetest boys and always so polite. Hayden is Alecs age and Dylan is the same age as Autumn. There were 100’s of summer baseball games in my backyard with JT, Eddie, Dylan and Hayden.

Becca- Sweet Becca Boo.- I watched her part time for about a year. Her mom and dad are dear friends of ours. I get to see Becca every week at church and occasionally outside of church. She is such a pretty little girl.

Caleb and Jackson- I only watched Caleb and Jackson a handful of times but like Becca, their parents are great friends of ours and get to see them at church.

Drew and Aidan- About a year and a half ago, I decided that I was going to stop doing In home daycare. My good friend Billy Jo, from our church needed someone to watch her two beautiful boys at her home. This is where I currently work and I absolutely love it.

Katie and Gavin- Along with Katie and Drew I watch Gavin and Katie. They are the same ages as Aidan and Drew and their parents are close friends. Gavin reminds me so much of JT when he was younger and Katie is a lot like Autumn was. A lot of the things they do trigger memories from when my kids were little.

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2/365

I have always wanted to be liked and please people. I remember in fifth grade there was this girl Melinda who I wanted to be friends with so badly. I would let her hit me during recess and do mean things to me as long as she would let me hang out with her. In return, she would never let anyone mess with me on the bus.

I was the child that would make sure all my school supplies were taken care of. I never peeled my crayons or chewed on pen caps. At lunch I would never throw away my food. What I did not finish, I would carefully pack back up and take it home. I didn’t throw away my baggies. I just did not want to waste what my parents worked hard for.

I was teased about my nose and my last name ALL the time. I would cry, but I never told my parents. I did not want them to be upset. I wanted to protect them.

I loved horses and for some reason kids at school started calling me ‘horse’. I never understood that one. Still don’t.

At my first year of summer camp one of the girls Jena, eventually had enough of me following her around like a puppy and she told me to leave her alone. I remember walking away from her and feeling so sad and wondering what was wrong with me. For the rest of the week I sort of stuck to myself. Other girls wanted to hang out with me and be my friend but I could not get over that someone didn’t like me and I cried about it.

In Junior high, things were a little better. I tried not to let things bother me as much. I focused on my physical features. Boys always told me what pretty eyes I had. I even had a couple boys tell me they liked me a lot. That my eyes were “cool” but they couldn’t/wouldn’t ‘date’ me because I had a big nose. They couldn’t get past my nose. Neither could I. I received compliments on my hair and would spend hours messing with my hair to try and take the focus off my nose. Still hiding how bad I felt from my parents. I would pretend the nasty comments about my nose did not bother me. I would laugh them off; pretend I was okay.

In high-school my self image plummeted and I had ZERO confidence in myself. I focused on my weight and was extremely thin. I was your classic case of a girl who clung to whoever told her she was *special*. I seeked out acceptance from everyone. Yet, at the same time I pretended like I could care less if they liked me or not. Confusing I know.

*Picture is bad but gives you an idea of how thin I was. This was prom.Yes, that is Joe with me I am the one wearing purple.*
I just wanted to be liked.

That has carried over to my adulthood and has been cause for a great deal of upset in my life. I try to please everyone and in turn over extend myself and end up letting people down. Including my husband and children. This has turned into a daily battle that thankfully has been a little easier with the love of my husband, children and God. I know that I am loved by many people and that I can NOT please everyone. It is just life.

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